Skip to content

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

To many among us, Hawaii is a distant paradise.
It is a remote, mysterious, exotic travel destination.

We envision sandy beaches, clear blue water, drinks with umbrellas, and beautiful women in grass skirts to greet us as we exit the plane.

We do not, however, envision “Hard Ticket to Hawaii”.

“Hard Ticket to Hawaii” is to crime fighting as “Reno: 911” is to police work.**

To those that live and fight crime in Hawaii, each day is an adventure.
They drive Jeeps, shoot guns and wear little to no clothing.
They ALSO fight drug lords, have impromptu casual sex with no warning, battle snakes that shouldn’t even BE on the island that want to kill them and finally – finally they shoot bazookas from the back of the previously mentioned Jeep and blow up evil skateboarders with wild abandon.

That, my friends is how they fight crime in paradise.

Welcome, Gentle Listeners, to – “Hard Ticket to Hawaii”

The Episode

The Review

Over at “The Horror Society” website, reviewer Blacktooth (probably not his real name) seems to really enjoy it, and take it for what it is, a fun romp to be watched with tongue (and popcorn) in cheek:

The acting in this is on the same level as no budget softcore porn. We get a cast that is over enthused which makes the scenes so much fun to watch. The cast really hams it up which makes the one liners work. Their interactions are and dialogue among one another is far from perfect but you can tell the cast is really enjoying themselves. Their fun in front of the camera does transfer well into the scene and you can’t help but enjoy yourself with the horrible dialogue and inexperienced acting.

I think that our boy Blacktooth (probably not named that by his mom) is right on the money with this one.
You cannot, in any way, shape or form, take seriously any movie where the hero shoots a skateboarding assassin carrying a blow up sex doll with a bazooka. It’s unpossible, as Ralph Wiggum would say.

Having got THAT out of the way, I think that these movies are fun in their own right, and need to be watched while slightly drunk or high, on a Saturday afternoon when there’s nothing else on television.

Pop one of the TWELVE movies in the series into your DVD player, pop the popcorn, open the windows to let the smoke out, and hit PLAY.

It’s that easy, and the movies are that fun.

The Links

Watch “Hard Ticket to Hawaii” on YouTube or on Amazon Streaming!

Buy the entire TWELVE MOVIE, BOXED SET of Andy Sedaris movies “Girls, Guns and G-Strings” on Amazon and support the podcast!

Learn more about Andy Sedaris at Slate Magazine, Wikipedia, his own dang website, Digitally Obsessed, and Paste Magazine.

Who the heck is Ronn Moss? Find out about him and his character on The Bold and the Beautiful, Ridge Forrester, at Wikipedia.

Listen to Player, including Ronn Moss, sing “Baby Come Back!” It’s awesome.

The Credits

I am very grateful to be able to use the music and sound effects of so many wonderful creators.
You can find a list of all music used, and all sound effects used, and links, here, on our Credits page.

The Pitch

Subscribe, Share and Support The Show
You can get each new show, as it’s published, in your Inbox! Sign up here!
Share this post on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit and any other place you can think of where folks who might like the show gather.
Support the show! You can do this financially or otherwise, to keep the lights off and the projector running. You can check out the list here!

Thank you!


**Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE RENO: 911, but it is hardly the arbiter of truth and accuracy when it comes to daily police work. If it IS, well, then that makes police work even more fun, I guess.  No wonder folks want to become cops. SHORT DANGLE SHORTS!

Don't Miss An Episode!

Join all the other Gentle Listeners and get notified immediately when a new episode is available!

Blog posts, newsletters, episodes and all sorts of nerdy goodness are yours for the price of one email address.

You are IN, Gentle Listener! Thank you so much!